Far Away
by angelstryst
Summary: Just a little one shot song fic. Takes place at the end of Hello Goodbye. ML thoughts and fears.


**AN: I was just watching Hello, Goodbye and I couldn't take it I had to write something. Angst has so been my thing lately so I couldn't let this idea pass me along.**

**This is a M/L centered fic. I also decided to play with Alec a little and make him have some compassion.**

Max got just outside the door to Logan's apartment and slid to the floor in tears. She listened silently as she heard the glass crash against the wall and a thud. She couldn't go back to him. One touch, a cough or a sneeze too close to him could be his death. She couldn't live with herself if she killed him. Last night had been too close. She had almost killed him, again. He didn't know he was her world. He never could know she told herself, it would only make it harder. She hoped that by him thinking she was with Alec he could be angry at her and maybe hate her. She could handle that. She was still frozen in place on the floor a half hour later with tears of pain and self-recrimination flowing down her cheeks. She had long ago stopped stemming the flow of them and just let them fall uselessly to the jacket clutched in her lap.

_I This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know /I  
_

Logan watched Max walk out the door he suddenly felt another onslaught of tears claim his eyes. She had walked out of his life. She left him for Alec. Did she really love him? Was it just a thing? The questions spun in his head until he couldn't take it anymore. He stalked across the apartment and grabbed another bottle of scotch. He threw his glass against the wall and watched it smash, but it wasn't satisfying. He didn't have the energy to wreck anything. He just walked to the door and put his back to it sliding to the floor with a thud. He lifted the new bottle of scotch to his lips and felt it burn, but not as much as the first bottle had. He put his head in his hands and silently asked 'Why?'

_I That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore /I _

After an hour of sitting on the floor in the hallway Max finally was able to walk and got to her feet shakily. She felt as if she had left her heart bleeding back inside the apartment, but couldn't bring herself to turn around and give one last glance. She didn't want to wait for the elevator so she took off down the stairs trying to run off some of the hurt. When she got to the bottom it still hurt. She couldn't go home and face Cindy. She couldn't be honest with herself about what she just did, and there was no way Cindy would let her live this down. She walked to spot where she had parked, right next to Logan's truck. She gave herself one last glance at it and the multiple dents and bondo before revving the engine of her bike and flying down the street.

_I On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know /I _

Logan could only sit down in front of the door and watch as his life flashed before his eyes. He had thought he had been in love before, but that was all before he met Max. He had died with her, and was resurrected when she returned. Even if they couldn't touch, he still had her in his life. It was better then nothing he surmised and he had lived with and without her so he was pretty sure of this.

Alec. She didn't deny it. He sat for what felt like hours before he was able to move. He slowly stood up and rested his forehead against the wall as he tried to quell the ache inside. He heard a noise in the hallway and poked his head out the door just in time to see the door to the stairs swing closed. There was no one else on the floor that would be out that late. Was it just his imagination? Did Max just leave? Why would she have been out here that long? He couldn't take this apartment anymore. He hated the memories that were here. He capped the bottle putting it on the counter and grabbed his jacket and keys and fled the memories that threatened to crush him.

_I That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore /I  
_

Max rode as fast as she could trying to outrun her emotions. She hated it. She hated herself for the hurt that she saw in Logan's eyes. When he made Eyes Only did he even realize how true that was with him. He had the most beautiful soul and she had seen it so many times through those beautiful eyes. She gunned the engine harder and shifted again. The pain was like a vice on her heart. She never knew how much loving someone could hurt. It was agonizing. This was for the best. She just had to keep repeating it to herself. She rode and rode until she found herself driving down the road to the Space Needle. Maybe she would be able to clear her head up there. She parked her bike and started the climb to the top. She ran part of the way hoping to ease some of the pain, but it didn't work. She reached the top and was just out of breath. She was all out of tears as she sat on her tower.

_I So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know /I _

As Logan reached the garage he heard an engine roar out of the lot. He shook his head at the fantasy that he had just missed Max. She took off. Why would she have stayed any longer? He couldn't take the pain. He got in the car and drove. He had no destination. He just drove for hours. He listened to Valse Triste by Sibelius CD over and over. He remembered that feeling. Max was leaving with Zack, but that time was for her life. This time was for his. He hated himself. He hated the world right now. He didn't want anything more then to have Max in his life, but he couldn't even have that. He drove aimlessly until he found himself only a few blocks from his apartment building at the shore where she had found him after her blood had regenerated his legs for that short time. He walked the edge and cursed himself for the thoughts in his head of pulling Max next to him with the cane and holding her close. She made him want to be a better man. He loved her so much that every touch was worth it. Death was better then life without her. He couldn't help but think that maybe there was a way. Damn Alec and damn anyone else who got in his way. He would find a cure. He looked up toward the Space Needle and imagined her looking down on him.

"I love you, Max." He whispered to the night air as he sat and waited for the sun to rise.

_I I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along /I  
_

Alec had joined Max on the tower and sat by her side. They both sat quietly after she had uttered 'Love sucks.' She hated Alec for looking like Ben. She hated him for being there. She hated him for making such an easy out for being the unwitting pawn in her demise of her and Logan's relationship. She felt a fresh batch of tears well up and was unable to stop them or blink them away.

Alec looked hard at her for a long moment. "It might be for the better, but it might not be Max." He paused to gauge her reaction. She simply sat and stared over the ledge so he continued. "All I know is that love may suck, but being in love with Rachel was the best high of my life. We don't know what tomorrow may bring and you have someone that really loves you. Is it worse without him?"

Max didn't move or say anything so Alec stood and left. After she heard him start down the stairs she finally turned her head to follow the sound. She didn't know how much she could take, but she couldn't hurt Logan anymore.

"Maybe someday, Logan." She whispered to the air as she looked down toward the stretch of shore where she had stood about a year ago in the cradle of Logan's arms. She silently cried until the sun came up.

_I And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go_


End file.
